10. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to
beer.

9. You own a $300 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket launcher, but you
can’t afford shoes.

8. You have more wives than teeth.

7. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can’t think of anyone you HAVEN’T declared Jihad against.

5. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in
your robe.

4. You’ve never been asked, ‘Does this Burka make my butt look fat?’

3. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than
setting off roadside bombs.

2. You’ve never uttered the phrase, ‘I love what you’ve done with your
cave.’

And, the NUMBER ONE SIGN you might be a member of the Taliban or
Al-Qaeda…

1. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean