No goal yet, butit seems the readhead girl is winning!

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets The
cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane..

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Lazine ss pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, ‘What
the heck happened?’

22. Just remember — if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound.. That’s why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn’t like a box of chocolates .. it’s more like a jar of
jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

10. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to
beer.

9. You own a $300 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket launcher, but you
can’t afford shoes.

8. You have more wives than teeth.

7. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can’t think of anyone you HAVEN’T declared Jihad against.

5. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in
your robe.

4. You’ve never been asked, ‘Does this Burka make my butt look fat?’

3. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than
setting off roadside bombs.

2. You’ve never uttered the phrase, ‘I love what you’ve done with your
cave.’

And, the NUMBER ONE SIGN you might be a member of the Taliban or
Al-Qaeda…

1. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank.

Short line, just one lady in front of me…an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated

She asked the teller, ‘Why it change?? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty?? Why it change?’

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, ‘Fluctuations’ .

The Asian lady says, ‘Fluc you white people, too’.

Do you speak english ?
-Yes!
-Name?
-Abdul al-Rhazib.
-Sex?
-Three to five times a week.
-No, no…I mean male or female?
-Yes, male, female, sometimes camel.
-Holy cow!
-Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
-But isn’t that hostile?
-Horse style, doggy style, any style!
-Oh dear!
-No, no! Deer run too fast…

Credit: Avi Abrams